I feel absolutely, undoubtedly, divine. DIVINE:)

I have been in such a state of happiness lately. I probably shouldn't be, but I am. I feel amaaaaazing. And I've stopped having really intense nightmares.

This is better. This is MUCH better.

I'm repairing old friendships, or dusting them off really, and starting new ones.

I'm even getting things done. All the things I think about doing, I'm actually doing them.

This is one I've been meaning to do for some time.

Dear Little Erin,

I'm really sorry if I ever hurt your feelings or made you feel uncomfortable. I never wanted to. I know this seems trite, but its not meant to be. I really think we could be friends, even though everything was such a mess. I hope you're well and I want you to know that I never thought badly of you, and I'm sorry if it came off that way. sometimes I can be really shy.

Lots of love, Amy

I have no intention of following up.

*sigh* Everyone seems to have them winter bluuues. I don't feel that sad though. I've just had an immense loss of faith in all omnipresent, immaterial, whatever they ares. Clusterfucks, if you will. Love, if you didn't catch that.

I'm so happy for people who are in love. They have that thing, that thing that everyone wants, but not everyone has and it makes you feel happy, and sad, and so many things you didn't even know you could feel. And I'm happy that they just keep on truckin' when things get hard. People in love also make me want to scream obscenities at them. But thats just me, and I'm just bitter. Like the aftertaste of a mango. I fucking hate mangoes. They taste like poison.

Now on the sunshiney side of things, I have everything I need to be happy. I have books, games, pens, paper, stuff to fill up my time. I have friends that I'm close with, family I can talk to. I'm a girl that has alot of things and I'm STILL complaining. Whatever.

I'm really annoyed that these shenans with Armourtime were a waste of time. I get it, its over, things end. But in this particular situation, I feel as if my time and effort could have been better spent elsewhere. Goddamn it. I decided to be nice for a whole five minutes and called him to say we could be friends, but not right now. He said the following:

"Okay cool, I'm glad to hear that. So no more doin' it then?"

"No..."

"Aw damn."

What the hell is wrong with his brain. Who the FUCK says that. I want to know how this thought passed through his moral security system without setting off some kind of alarm. People disgust me.

I feel relief though, I am through with this daily cripple, thank Zelda. Hopefully one day I'll feel less icy about it. But for now, I have no intention on following up with making an effort to hangout. See you at the Fetish Party.

Mmmm I have more to write, but I'm getting lazy. I'll save it up for next time or something.

I would like to thank the Academy,

Love Amy

Eye of the storm

I feel like I'm on the outside looking in.

Everything is distant and unfamiliar. I feel cold.

If only










Lots of love, Petite Amy

I hate you.

Its taking all my willpower to not go out and get bombed.

I'm in an extremely bad mood. And I'm going to complain. And I'm going to whine. And bitch about it, all on my blog.

I just want to break someone's heart.

One, two, three, four

My track record is kind of god awful. Oh well. You made more trouble than you wanted to solve. Next time, you should probably man up and not throw a hissy fit when things don't go your way.

Thanks for breaking up with me when I was drunk! You're a real peach.

Love Amy

P.S. Go to hell.

Well well well. This is what happens when I run my mouth.

Fucking shenanigans man, this is SO lame. You're only happy when things are a mess, as much as I'm sure you'd protest, its true.

*dramatic sigh* You exhaust me. Oh! *false faint onto bed*

I've been avoiding this.

I felt like I had too many things to say. But now I know EXACTLY what I want to say. This has probably been the strangest and most trying two months of willpower. I feel like some would argue. Whatever.

I had a ton of things happen that I didn't want to happen. People talking, animosity between friends, skeletons in closets, the truth. I tried to leave. I tried to leave so many times. At least three. I never used to be like that. I felt like it was too much trouble. Also, I am confident in the fact that I'm not completely obnoxious in my requests, having known what its like to be a needy girl for some time. But that all ended almost a year ago. And here I am, in 2010, saying, this is what I need, and if that can't happen, if that doesn't work for you, then cool, lets drop it. I really feel like I'm too special to be on the backburner. And I think every girl should feel that way.

Its unfortunate, but I have little faith in the opposite sex when it comes to relationships. Thats probably why its so easy for me to say "alright, I'm done." But I was shown that wasn't always the best solution. That hurts people. Its hard for everyone to admit they're wrong, and especially for me. Even though I felt justified in having a "Fuck it, and fuck you" attitude, its true, you should try and aim for somewhere in the middle.

I hate when people ask about me and Armour. Oooooh names. I hate it though. Ask later, ask in a couple months. I do talk about it, but to those I feel close to. And I try not to shove it in anyone's face. So here's the truth. I feel like the dust is starting to settle, everything is still a little weird, but somehow we made it. I'm pretty damn surprised. But happy. Really happy. Its been the most ridiculous two months, and only two months, which in the great scheme of things, is not very much at all. But its been fun, we've both learned things, pushed each other, tried to understand. Actually understood. Not only that, got balls deep in feelings for each other, and other people, and admitted to it.

There was so much noone saw, and I was reminded of that when I was in bed yesterday, bored out of my gourd and decided to go through the pictures on my phone. There were so many things that made me go "wow, that was a really fun day." There are so many. I wasn't expecting it. It helped me come to terms with the fact that forgiveness is just as important as saying you're sorry.

So, thank you. Nothing lasts forever, and I never look at it that way anyway, but that doesn't mean it wasn't meaningful.

I'm back in this cold cluttered room that has a habit of eating my possessions, back in this really tiny bed with one deflated pillow and a comforter that looks like it died last summer, back beside the hairiest person I know, and a really good friend.

This picture was taken in the middle of a sword fight. With one sword. It turned into a "lets see whose hair can stand up higher" competition. I love it.

Goodnight moon.