I don't know what you think of me anymore. But I'm not crazy.
I just want to love you.
I want you to see what I see. Your doubts are only half of your stories, and you have enough of those. Unfinished stories that never got a chance. I want mine to have a middle, and eventually an end.
I wish you could see.
But I feel like you're wrapping it up already.
Be with me. We should be together.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Insomnia's a bitch. Then again, so are most things.
Bah. It is late! Not really. Its actually only 1am on this warm, balmy saturday morning.
I need a vacation.
I think thats why I watch so many movies over and over again. It takes me far enough away from conciousness that for a moment (moment sounds more poetic than 'hour and a half') I am completely unaware of...well...being aware. Nice writing. Ten gold stars for me.
Anyway, its like I don't want to have a tight grasp on reality. My subconcious self wants (not needs) to steer clear from the real world as that everyone else seems to survive in as often as possible.
I really hate to admit this, but I think I'm the one who seriously fucks up my relationships. I am so many things and yet, much too simple. I like to know things. Okay, I like to know everything. Even some things that aren't ready to be known yet. I push and I pull, striving for the truth, when really I just end up cornering people into an irritated and exasperated state. And then I think I have the right to get all huffy and sad when I don't like what I hear them say. I need to learn when to put a cork in it I think. But I really don't mean anyone this harm! I just want someone who I can care for, someone who WANTS me to care for them. Plus, I'm embarrassingly self centered. If you've noticed, I sure say 'I' a lot. Yucky.
I think Jake is coming home, must run.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Day off!
It is one of my two days off, suhweeeet. But my day has only been semi-sweet. Like baking chocolate.
First of all:
Dear Gordon the new roommate,
Just because you smoke half a cigarette every hour starting at 5:30 am, doesn't mean you are prolonging your slow suicide dummy.
Love Amy
P.s. That was harsh. I take that back. But I still think you're a complete douche.
Moving on.
I'm a little worried about this OCAD thing. I'm so used to this kind of stuff not working out, its-a-makin' me nervous! I ran all around the city today. Well not all around, but around enough, for a super grouchy boyfriend I am still slightly annoyed at. I hope he picked up on it. He probably did. Good. I was in a fucking good mood today! And his grouchiness rainy rained all over my parade. I don't like being sopping. Its yucky.
I turned into a grown up for a bit today though, got the Body Shop visit out of the way, went through some emails from OCAD.
Lets do a questionnaire! I haven't done one in ages. Ahem:
Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
Made out? Thats kid stuff.
Do you think think the last person you kissed is nice?
Nice wouldn't be the first word I would use to describe him. Thats not to say he's not very good to me though.
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Green tea
Ever kissed a brown haired, dark eyed person?
You haven't lived until you have hahaha
Where did you last sleep other than your house?
A cottage-like residence at Beverly and Dundas
If an ex said "I hate you" what would you say?
"Sure ya do." :)
What is your current annoyance?
Gordon the roommate. Grouchy signifigant other.
What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
I'd be excited for them to change their surroundings and start something new, but sad that I'd be seeing less of them.
Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a J?
Joe
Can you play guitar hero?
Absolutely not. It makes me dizzy and I'm awful. I'M TOTALLY GOING TO PLAY HARVEST MOON WHEN I'M DONE THIS:):):)
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Warm weather. When its lovely and sunshiney outside, it gives me butterflies and makes me want to smile all the time!
Have you ever been on a horse?
Mmhmm, they're pretty darn cool!
Kissed someone in the last month?
Why a-yessss.
Do you like Chinese food?
Late dinner, late breakfast;)
Do you get distracted easily?
From homework maybe, everything else, not so much.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Boned haha
Is this year the best year of your life?
I feel like I could only ever choose the best year of my life if I was on my deathbed. But somehow I know they'll all be pretty rad:)
Do you have any strange phobias?
Terribly stagefright. Falling in the shower.
What was going through your mind during your last kiss?
Om nom nom
Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Its definitely easier to forgive. Forgiveness helps us move forward and START to forget.
Do you give out second chances too easily?
Sometimes
Are you jealous of someone?
I wouldn't say so
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Z
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Hahaha that's the only way to do it when yous on the rooooad!
Have you ever broken someone's heart?
So they say.
Believe in love at first sight?
I believe in an inkling at first sight.
Is heart break really as bad as it sounds?
It all depends on how you look at it, but yeah, it can be pretty unpleasant.
Has anyone seen you in your underwear, other than mom?
Pffffffft hahahahahahaha who wrote this nonsense?!
Are you stubborn?
Of course!
Who are the third and eighteenth texts from?
My phone is disconnected at the moment, but if it weren't, probably Ebbs or Z
What is one emotion you are feeling right now?
Hmm. Content? Accomplished for the day?
Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
Nope.
How do you feel about the person who text you last?
Ebbs or Z: They's the cats pajamas!
Who was the last person to hold your hand?
Z
Who was the last person you threw out of your life?
Ivan.
What kind of bottoms are you wearing?
RNT38 - Small - Black - $35.00 Fuck you American Apparel. Embarassing.
How many windows are open on your computer?
Trrrrrrrois fenetres!
Is something bothering you right now?
Nope
Are you sarcastic?
Never EVER. *winknudgewinknudge*
What are you doing tomorrow?
Going for a walk/picnic! Heading to Scarbs, picking up transcript, registering at ILC, taking transcript to OCAD. Busy busy.
In the past week have you gotten sick?
Why yes I have. It was the best sick day I've ever had.
In the past week have you felt stupid?
Past week? Try past 5 minutes hahaha
In the past week have you watched cartoons?
Not really, I don't watch much television.
What day this week has been your favorite so far?
I've had a pretty awesome week so far. Monday hapsday, tuesday hapsday, wednesday will be a hapsday!
In the past week have you felt sad?
For a split second most likely, but nothin' huge!
Has someone disappointed you recently?
Not recently
Do you have plans for this weekend?
Worksauce. Playsauce. Partysauce.
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Whoever wrote this was seriously sour grapes at the time. Theys always worth learning from!
Last thing you said aloud?
It wasn't really words, but laughing!
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Oh probably:P
Are you hungry?
Nah, but Ducky (or Bubba, I'm calling him Ducky until he's Will's) is.
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Z, Ateah, my lizards
Do you say sexy a lot?
I wouldn't say alot, but I throw it in from time to time, to give what I'm saying a little extra something.
Where do you keep your money?
When I have money, in and around my wallet.
Has anyone ever given you roses?
Fistfight. It was really very sweet.
Has anyone ever told you they love you?
Secrets secrets.
Where was your facebook default picture taken?
Outside of Sam Wallen's apartment. I am a drunk who likes to dance in sock feet in the rain.
Who woke you up this morning?
Z
What is your current mood?
I swear I'm having deja-vu. I answered this a zillion tiiiiiiiiiiimes.
Are you crazy?
Without any question.
What are you listening to?
Sirens, the cat snoring. The wind winding.
How long is your hair?
Party in the front, buisness in the baaaaaaaack. Bad joke. Embarassing. Haha.
Are you happy right now?
Good grief Charlie Brown.
Are you wearing make-up?
Cover up and mascara
What were you doing at 11:00 last night?
Walking home with Z
What have you done today?
A fuckload of walking haha
Have you smiled recently?
You betcha:)
What are you wearing?
Leggings, Sex tank, Z's grunge-rawk button up
What color are your eyes?
Verte!
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Yikes, never!
What was the last thing you cried about?
My famjam.
Who did you hangout with today?
Z. Tired of that answer yet dummies?
What are your plans for the weekend?
Fuck you, you asked me that already you whore!
How many hours did you sleep last night?
Many.
When was the last time you talked to your number 2?
My number 2 what? Because if you mean poop, then never.
Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
I'm not even dignifying this with an answer.
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a R?
I don't believe so.
Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Ok, the rest of this questionnaire is bogus. It was bogus from the beginning. I refuse to answer. DELETE.
First of all:
Dear Gordon the new roommate,
Just because you smoke half a cigarette every hour starting at 5:30 am, doesn't mean you are prolonging your slow suicide dummy.
Love Amy
P.s. That was harsh. I take that back. But I still think you're a complete douche.
Moving on.
I'm a little worried about this OCAD thing. I'm so used to this kind of stuff not working out, its-a-makin' me nervous! I ran all around the city today. Well not all around, but around enough, for a super grouchy boyfriend I am still slightly annoyed at. I hope he picked up on it. He probably did. Good. I was in a fucking good mood today! And his grouchiness rainy rained all over my parade. I don't like being sopping. Its yucky.
I turned into a grown up for a bit today though, got the Body Shop visit out of the way, went through some emails from OCAD.
Lets do a questionnaire! I haven't done one in ages. Ahem:
Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
Made out? Thats kid stuff.
Do you think think the last person you kissed is nice?
Nice wouldn't be the first word I would use to describe him. Thats not to say he's not very good to me though.
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Green tea
Ever kissed a brown haired, dark eyed person?
You haven't lived until you have hahaha
Where did you last sleep other than your house?
A cottage-like residence at Beverly and Dundas
If an ex said "I hate you" what would you say?
"Sure ya do." :)
What is your current annoyance?
Gordon the roommate. Grouchy signifigant other.
What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving?
I'd be excited for them to change their surroundings and start something new, but sad that I'd be seeing less of them.
Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a J?
Joe
Can you play guitar hero?
Absolutely not. It makes me dizzy and I'm awful. I'M TOTALLY GOING TO PLAY HARVEST MOON WHEN I'M DONE THIS:):):)
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Warm weather. When its lovely and sunshiney outside, it gives me butterflies and makes me want to smile all the time!
Have you ever been on a horse?
Mmhmm, they're pretty darn cool!
Kissed someone in the last month?
Why a-yessss.
Do you like Chinese food?
Late dinner, late breakfast;)
Do you get distracted easily?
From homework maybe, everything else, not so much.
What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
Boned haha
Is this year the best year of your life?
I feel like I could only ever choose the best year of my life if I was on my deathbed. But somehow I know they'll all be pretty rad:)
Do you have any strange phobias?
Terribly stagefright. Falling in the shower.
What was going through your mind during your last kiss?
Om nom nom
Is it easier to forgive or forget?
Its definitely easier to forgive. Forgiveness helps us move forward and START to forget.
Do you give out second chances too easily?
Sometimes
Are you jealous of someone?
I wouldn't say so
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
Z
Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
Hahaha that's the only way to do it when yous on the rooooad!
Have you ever broken someone's heart?
So they say.
Believe in love at first sight?
I believe in an inkling at first sight.
Is heart break really as bad as it sounds?
It all depends on how you look at it, but yeah, it can be pretty unpleasant.
Has anyone seen you in your underwear, other than mom?
Pffffffft hahahahahahaha who wrote this nonsense?!
Are you stubborn?
Of course!
Who are the third and eighteenth texts from?
My phone is disconnected at the moment, but if it weren't, probably Ebbs or Z
What is one emotion you are feeling right now?
Hmm. Content? Accomplished for the day?
Do you think you're wasting your time on the person you like?
Nope.
How do you feel about the person who text you last?
Ebbs or Z: They's the cats pajamas!
Who was the last person to hold your hand?
Z
Who was the last person you threw out of your life?
Ivan.
What kind of bottoms are you wearing?
RNT38 - Small - Black - $35.00 Fuck you American Apparel. Embarassing.
How many windows are open on your computer?
Trrrrrrrois fenetres!
Is something bothering you right now?
Nope
Are you sarcastic?
Never EVER. *winknudgewinknudge*
What are you doing tomorrow?
Going for a walk/picnic! Heading to Scarbs, picking up transcript, registering at ILC, taking transcript to OCAD. Busy busy.
In the past week have you gotten sick?
Why yes I have. It was the best sick day I've ever had.
In the past week have you felt stupid?
Past week? Try past 5 minutes hahaha
In the past week have you watched cartoons?
Not really, I don't watch much television.
What day this week has been your favorite so far?
I've had a pretty awesome week so far. Monday hapsday, tuesday hapsday, wednesday will be a hapsday!
In the past week have you felt sad?
For a split second most likely, but nothin' huge!
Has someone disappointed you recently?
Not recently
Do you have plans for this weekend?
Worksauce. Playsauce. Partysauce.
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
Whoever wrote this was seriously sour grapes at the time. Theys always worth learning from!
Last thing you said aloud?
It wasn't really words, but laughing!
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Oh probably:P
Are you hungry?
Nah, but Ducky (or Bubba, I'm calling him Ducky until he's Will's) is.
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Z, Ateah, my lizards
Do you say sexy a lot?
I wouldn't say alot, but I throw it in from time to time, to give what I'm saying a little extra something.
Where do you keep your money?
When I have money, in and around my wallet.
Has anyone ever given you roses?
Fistfight. It was really very sweet.
Has anyone ever told you they love you?
Secrets secrets.
Where was your facebook default picture taken?
Outside of Sam Wallen's apartment. I am a drunk who likes to dance in sock feet in the rain.
Who woke you up this morning?
Z
What is your current mood?
I swear I'm having deja-vu. I answered this a zillion tiiiiiiiiiiimes.
Are you crazy?
Without any question.
What are you listening to?
Sirens, the cat snoring. The wind winding.
How long is your hair?
Party in the front, buisness in the baaaaaaaack. Bad joke. Embarassing. Haha.
Are you happy right now?
Good grief Charlie Brown.
Are you wearing make-up?
Cover up and mascara
What were you doing at 11:00 last night?
Walking home with Z
What have you done today?
A fuckload of walking haha
Have you smiled recently?
You betcha:)
What are you wearing?
Leggings, Sex tank, Z's grunge-rawk button up
What color are your eyes?
Verte!
When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
Yikes, never!
What was the last thing you cried about?
My famjam.
Who did you hangout with today?
Z. Tired of that answer yet dummies?
What are your plans for the weekend?
Fuck you, you asked me that already you whore!
How many hours did you sleep last night?
Many.
When was the last time you talked to your number 2?
My number 2 what? Because if you mean poop, then never.
Do you know anyone that smokes pot?
I'm not even dignifying this with an answer.
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a R?
I don't believe so.
Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
Ok, the rest of this questionnaire is bogus. It was bogus from the beginning. I refuse to answer. DELETE.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Yes, my second post on the same night as my first. Shut up.
When I got home, I told myself I'd clean, but I didn't. Fail.
Zoran just called to see if I wanted McD's at 3:55 in the AM. Where HAVE YOU BEEN all my late nights, good grief!
I want to discuss alone time. Because I youtubed it the other day. And it was a rather delightful experience.
Alone time is necessary. But when forced upon you, it feels totally icky. I have devised a list (or plan, depending on how you look at life) on how to make your alone time less boring and filled to the brim with more OOMPH. Aka joie de vivre!
1. Imagine what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex. Or a creepy crawly.
2. Try ans stretch all the muscles you think you have in your face.
3. Find the longest hair on your head.
4. Count all things blue. Or any other seemingly dominant colour.
5. Make up words.
6. Try and convince yourself of an alternate universe existing on the other side of mirrors. Or closets.
7. Read a fucking book, thanks.
8. Just sit and LISTEN to some music. It works wonders I tell you.
9. Draw a map of your neighborhood. But make it alot more fun than regular icky maps.
I'm adding to this later, I need bed.
Have a toooooooootal hapsday!
Zoran just called to see if I wanted McD's at 3:55 in the AM. Where HAVE YOU BEEN all my late nights, good grief!
I want to discuss alone time. Because I youtubed it the other day. And it was a rather delightful experience.
Alone time is necessary. But when forced upon you, it feels totally icky. I have devised a list (or plan, depending on how you look at life) on how to make your alone time less boring and filled to the brim with more OOMPH. Aka joie de vivre!
1. Imagine what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex. Or a creepy crawly.
2. Try ans stretch all the muscles you think you have in your face.
3. Find the longest hair on your head.
4. Count all things blue. Or any other seemingly dominant colour.
5. Make up words.
6. Try and convince yourself of an alternate universe existing on the other side of mirrors. Or closets.
7. Read a fucking book, thanks.
8. Just sit and LISTEN to some music. It works wonders I tell you.
9. Draw a map of your neighborhood. But make it alot more fun than regular icky maps.
I'm adding to this later, I need bed.
Have a toooooooootal hapsday!
I haven't taken off my boots yet.
Most likely, because they take too damn long. Awesome boots, beautiful boots, lacey-uppy boots!
Stupid boots.
I haven't blogged in so so very long. I used to have a blog way back when, but that got hacked, a couple times.
Lets discuss this little idea of why it got hacked! My ex-boyfriend is a nutter, yes, but I would like to put the blame on romantic love, the biggest and most mysterious mindfuck known to man. If you are unaccustomed to the word "mindfuck" then you are truly naive.
But here you are anyhow:
MINDFUCK - noun
An idea or concept that shakes ones previous beliefs about the nature of reality.
Thank you urbandictionary.com.
Now, lets get down to buisness. Romantic love can be so many different things, but noone can deny the power it has to put you in that lovely little bubble of bliss that gives you tunnel vision like you wouldn't believe. After your bundle of joy pops however, things seem so very different from how you were seeing them. Its (usually) upsetting to know that your judgement was faulty in some manner. Lets say, things just aren't peachy anymore and they end. Lets say it was a long time coming. LONG TIME. Did you know that when long term relationships end, the biochemistry in your brain resembles that of someone going through heroin withdrawal?
Romantic love is a terrifying thing methinks.
And yet, I am still a hopeless romantic.
My roommate's cat looks like its been dead for 2 months. I do not love it.
The end!
Stupid boots.
I haven't blogged in so so very long. I used to have a blog way back when, but that got hacked, a couple times.
Lets discuss this little idea of why it got hacked! My ex-boyfriend is a nutter, yes, but I would like to put the blame on romantic love, the biggest and most mysterious mindfuck known to man. If you are unaccustomed to the word "mindfuck" then you are truly naive.
But here you are anyhow:
MINDFUCK - noun
An idea or concept that shakes ones previous beliefs about the nature of reality.
Thank you urbandictionary.com.
Now, lets get down to buisness. Romantic love can be so many different things, but noone can deny the power it has to put you in that lovely little bubble of bliss that gives you tunnel vision like you wouldn't believe. After your bundle of joy pops however, things seem so very different from how you were seeing them. Its (usually) upsetting to know that your judgement was faulty in some manner. Lets say, things just aren't peachy anymore and they end. Lets say it was a long time coming. LONG TIME. Did you know that when long term relationships end, the biochemistry in your brain resembles that of someone going through heroin withdrawal?
Romantic love is a terrifying thing methinks.
And yet, I am still a hopeless romantic.
My roommate's cat looks like its been dead for 2 months. I do not love it.
The end!
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