Gee whiz, this is awkward.

Yuck yuck yuck.

I'm going to clean my room and ignorez vous such behaviour.

Ne me quitte pas.

Ne me quitte pas
Il faut oublier
Tout peut s'oublier
Qui s'enfuit deja
Oublier le temps
Des malentendus
Et le temps perdu
A savoir comment
Oublier ces heures
Qui tuaient parfois
A coups de pourquoi
Le coeur du bonheur
Ne me quitte pas

Moi je t'offrirai
Des perles de pluie
Venues de pays
Où il ne pleut pas
Je creuserai la terre
Jusqu'apres ma mort
Pour couvrir ton corps
D'or et de lumière
Je ferai un domaine
Où l'amour sera roi
Où l'amour sera loi
Où tu seras reine
Ne me quitte pas

Ne me quitte pas
Je t'inventerai
Des mots insensés
Que tu comprendras
Je te parlerai
De ces amants là
Qui ont vu deux fois
Leurs coeurs s'embraser
Je te racont'rai
L'histoire de ce roi
Mort de n'avoir pas
Pu te rencontrer
Ne me quitte pas

On a vu souvent
Rejaillir le feu
De l'ancien volcan
Qu'on croyait trop vieux
Il est paraît-il
Des terres brûlées
Donnant plus de blé
Qu'un meilleur avril
Et quand vient le soir
Pour qu'un ciel flamboie
Le rouge et le noir
Ne s'épousent-ils pas
Ne me quitte pas

Ne me quitte pas
Je ne vais plus pleurer
Je ne vais plus parler
Je me cacherai là
À te regarder
Danser et sourire
Et à t'écouter
Chanter et puis rire
Laisse-moi devenir
L'ombre de ton ombre
L'ombre de ta main
L'ombre de ton chien
Ne me quitte pas

Newpostnewpostnewosrp

Rarararararara. I'm kind of drunk. Whut-ever.

Coming home is so funny. Its like a life that isn't mine anymore, but I still remember what it was like. I'm so far away now, and yet, close as a different person.

I don't really know if I want a reply. Probably not. Yuck, that'd probably be really horrible. Or would it. Would I even care? Probably. But not enough, thats for sure. Thank god.

I'm not very nice. And thats fine. Very few have the opportunity to know me, to know what I actually am. Or what has become of me at least.

I'm at odds with what I should do. Carry on? Or accept that the past is never through with me and I'll always be that girl with either too much to say, or just enough to be mysterious to the general eye.

I love Zoran. I love him so much. I really don't know what I'd be otherwise. All over the place probably. Instead of leaning against something solid and warm. This solid warm thingy that picks me right up and sets me back on my feet with ease. There is nothing else in the world that competes with a feeling like that.

I'm going to go watch Grey Gardens.

I miss Sir Paul James Ebbs.

There's a band aid in my armpit.

I'm so exhausted.

Exhausted.

Physically: My back really hurts. I seem to give a lot of back rubs, but they are rarely returned. I'm also pretty tired of talking to Jamie about Michael. Jamie is probably tired about wondering what he's thinking though, so I shouldn't complain. Michael is Jamie's New York....friend? Who knows.

I really wish I were a better writer. I envy those with the ability to make beautiful and intricate paragraphs. Like Christmas garland, or something.

Jamie did his stretches and then asked me if he should text Michael. Ha ha.

I re-read the entry Andrew wrote about our breakup. What amazes me about Andrew is that he drives me absolutely crazy when he talks about himself. I love him anyways of course, but absolutely CRAZY. Anyway, thats only half of it. What makes it so amazing is that he rarely mentions the things he SHOULD talk about. Like, cooking or writing. I really like his writing.

Andrew will probably read this. Hi Andrew. I hope you're not mad at me.

Emotionally: I am exhausted emotionally because I feel like I'm being pulled from both ends. And if it so happens, that I rip right in half, what will you have left to play with boys? Half an Amy each. And half is no fun. I'd like to be one whole being please. Its so trying to keep them both happy, or to try and help them when they're unhappy. I had it comin' though.

I wish I could fix everyone.

Everyone's hurt, I want to fix it. But I can't. And now, I live with 3 different people's pain.

Zoran's,
Andrew's,
and mine.

Shh.

My feelings are hurt.
I don't really have a right to complain though. But they still hurt none the less.

Its really nice being in my new bed. Its like an extension of alone time. A place to curl up and be comforted by no other, than yours truly.

Its a strange feeling, stepping out of something, and into something else. I can feel the middle between them. Its eerie. Like a twilight that exists only in thought and not in reality. Despite everything, I don't feel awful living here. I feel so at home here. I want to be here for a long time.

I need some Amy time here, I'm pretty excited for it. Having Sundays off is one of the best parts of my week, every week. Sunday is one of those days that feels like its supposed to be lazy, full fo sunshine and rain all at once.

I'm still affected by what I did. Everyday.

Days like Christmas.

Tomorrow we pack the moving truck.
The day after tomorrow, we move into our new house.
Two weeks ago, a fragile relationship hit a wall.
A month ago, I lost something forever.
One week ago, the good Doctor was given a great gift.
Two days ago, I was given a great gift.
For almost 4 weeks, I've wanted to finish reading "Through the Looking Glass"
For more than a year, I've wanted to paint something with an enormous personality.
In one week, I will write a love letter.
50 years from now, I'll still have mine.
On Wednesday, I won't be able to stop smiling.
After tomorrow, I'll get a new bed.
But for now, I should go to sleep in Jamie's.

Goodnight last year.

Way to go.

Bah. I'm a tool. I don't know when this happened, but somewhere along the line I stopped being fragile. It felt like I was in some kind of hurry to get somewhere really far away. Looking back, I don't know why I was so rushed. I'll just take my time.

I love so many things. I steer away from even more. But its alright. I've been feeling pretty free lately, I can make my own rules.

Mmmmmm sometimes I just want to give the world a big hug. It constantly provides me with places to go, and things to do.

I'm so excited to move into our new house. Some people think its really weird that Andrew and I are still living together. I really don't give a damn. I'm so excited.

I'm so so excited. I'm poor and I'm so happy.

I'm going to get drunk and paint and be merry!